i'm not sorry for your loss

g’day my friend,

ever felt like you’re on the verge of something incredible but something’s holding you back? or maybe it’s not “something” but really “someone”?

welcome to toxic-city, a place i’ve visited too many times & that we've glimpsed before in my murder your darlings email.

quick refresher form that — every new level of life demands a new version of you. old strategies don’t cut it as you get to higher levels in the game of life. as you evolve & elevate, it's natural that not everyone will keep up or go in the same direction. & that's totally okay.

what’s not okay is staying stuck because you’re afraid to let go of those who drag you down. you deserve a squad that meets & raises your energy!

bye bye bad juju

it took me way too long to learn this lesson.

i spent a lot of my younger years expecting & accepting the bare minimum from people in my life. my fierce loyalty was holding me back & hurting me way more than i realized.

we stick with the “devils we know” because cutting ties is tough.

we worry about being alone or we hold out hoping people will change. it’s comfy to stay in these familiar dynamics, even if they're not beneficial.

but settling for less just because it’s easy is like voluntarily putting on handcuffs. why would we do that?! we’re all about leveling up, not letting someone else drag us down.

batteries not included

first, we need to identify these toxic ties, what some cleverly call energy vampires or batteries not included friends. they’re the people that are somehow always at battery level of 1% & desperately in need of your energy.

this isn’t a one time bad day thing, this is a consistent pattern.

here are the common traits of toxic ties:

• the balance of the relationship scale is heavily titled in their favor.

• they’re all take, take, take, talk, talk, talk with little give or listen.

• they never remember the name of your child/dog/roomie/sig other.

• they have wildly unfair double standards, expecting you do way more for them than they ever have done or ever will do for you.

• responding to their texts feels like a chore, even just a tap back.

buddies best by date

for this next step, it can be helpful to remember that all relationships have an expiration date (because we sadly don’t live forever 😢 ).

sometimes things go bad before their best by date. so it’s best to practice safety first & put up boundaries before you get food poisoning.

here are the steps

1. limit your interactions to see how it feels & if they even notice.

2. meanwhile decide what you can & can't tolerate. get super specific.

3. tell them how you feel. it’s about being real, not cruel or mean.

your well-being comes first & anyone who truly cares about you will understand that.

the other big truth bomb is that relationships, friendships, & situationships fade all the time. your growth is a way more acceptable reason for a fade than simply forgetting about someone or getting too “busy.”

the loving let go

cutting ties doesn’t have to be dramatic or filled with anger.

it also doesn’t have to be a permanent split. boundaries are worth revisiting as both you & the other person change.

so always let go with love & gratitude for what these people taught you. i turly believe that every person who crosses our path has a purpose, even if it’s just to show us what we don’t want.

as you release what no longer serves you, trust that you’re making space for new, amazing connections. people who are more aligned will start to appear.

they’re out there, i promise.

xoletgoxo,

p.s. i’m trying to slow down this summer & discovering that i have a lot of shame around taking rest. next week i’ll be sharing how i’m navigating this & i’d love to know where you stand 👇️