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merry greetings,

tis the season for eating, drinking, & being merry.

& for many that’s with your family, blood or chosen.

so today we’re exploring why it’s so hard to keep it 100% real with our fam, especially during festivities.

great expectations

the holidays are a pressure cooker stew of expectations & emotions.

everyone wants the picture perfect hallmark movie experience. the thoughtful gifts, the tasty foods, the romantic meet cutes, the timeless traditions.

but this sets us up for disappointment.

i’m anti-hallmark, not just for their greeting card monopoly, but also for their setting of these unrealistic standards.

watch all you want, but don’t expect your life to look like their movies.

holidays are so much better if you release yourself from the pressure of expectations.

the imperfect & sometimes stressful moments often make the best stories.

like that time as a kid i woke up on christmas morning with chickenpox.

or the year my brother accidentally poisoned our family with a prickly pear cactus beverage experiment gone terribly wrong.

ghosts of holiday pasts

if you’re anything like me, the moment you step into your family home you transform from being your confident adult self to your sassy, awkward, insecure teen self.

it’s like stepping into a time machine.

momentarily erasing all your therapy & self-improvement gains.

taking you back to your former self of 2005 with all the old roles, ancient grudges, & outdated perceptions.

time with family can be the ultimate test of your authenticity.

which is ironic considering that many times these are the people that knew you as your authentic childhood self.

so don’t let the ghosts of holiday pasts become this holiday’s present.

re-introduce yourself

you revert back to your rebellious teen self out of habit, but also because that’s what your family expects from you.

they remember & most know the you that lived with them.

they may follow you on social media or get glimpses of your life through phone calls, but they don’t know the real you anymore.

so your job is to re-introduce yourself.

instead of rehashing the same sore topics, educate your people on your new habits & hobbies.

share your new self with the fam.

they may not get it instantly & it’s ok. they don’t have to, but you will feel so much better if you're being true to yourself.

the b word

sometimes being true to yourself means you need the b word.

boundaries.

physical, mental, emotional, or even energetic.

boundaries keep you in a place of high self-worth. as the saying goes, good fences do make good neighbors. you build these fences 3 ways: inwardly with your energy, outwardly with your words, & physically with your actions.

anytime i think about this b word. i remind myself:

no is not just a word.

no is a complete sentence. a full stop. a power move. a mood. a lifestyle.

no explanation required.

redirection game

over the holidays your boundaries will likely get tested & you will get triggered

especially if you get into the comparison game.

the shallow conversation game of the most commonly asked questions. the expansion pack to “how are you today?”

where people out of habit ask about what’s coming next for you.

when’s the move? the promotion? the engagement? the wedding? the next child? the house? the trip? the cure? the race?

it can feel like an attack if you’re insecure in any way about the topic.

this is when you need to remember people ask these questions when they don’t know what else to ask.

and what i only recently realized about the comparison game is that:

1. you don’t have to answer the question.

2. you don’t have to explain yourself.

3. you can redirect the conversation.

instead of talking about what may be a sensitive around the topic. talk about what is exciting you in that general area.

• they ask about the next baby → you talk about how much you love your current babies & being a mother to two.

• they ask about your dating life → you talk about how much you love being a part of a running group that meets weekly.

• they ask about your promotion → you talk about how much you love a project that you’re working on as a side hustle.

OR you can even change the comparison game into the redirection game.

just tell another story or ask them a question.

old folks do this all the time & no one cares. most people just don’t want silence. so they fill the silence with what comes to their mind first which is often the commonly asked question game.

observe, don’t oppose

at the end of the day, going home for the holidays is a masterclass in self-awareness.

an opportunity to learn by watching how your family speaks, interacts, & engages with each other.

and then seeing how this all feels to you in your body as your present self.

watching to see what memories re-emerge. what triggers come up. what wounds reopen. what habits break. what limiting beliefs return.

opposing your family is exhausting
observing your family is eye opening.
observing your self with your family is enlightening.

the other b words

if you forget all the above in the moment,

remind yourself to breathe.

one deep breath works wonders on calming yourself & those around you.

and if all this fails,

i recommend a glass of red wine, specifically

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eat, drink, & be merry,

p.s. next week we’re talking about feeling authentic in our bodies. so please help me get a pulse on your authentic pulse.

p.p.s. if you want good vibes like this daily, let’s make our friendship twitter/X official @merrymakingmack.