we need to talk

Read time: 2.5 minutes

yo yo yo weirdo,

back again with the big 5.

now that you know both the science behind this personality assessment

and applications of how these personality traits shape your preferences.

for the final email in this series, i’m giving you a guide to talking each trait.

3 tips for how to be a better friend to those that score higher than you on a trait. as well as 3 tips for those that score lower.

because as always communication & connection is stronger when you speak in someone’s native language.

super quick refresher

big five is the gold standard for personality testing.

aka five factor model, ffm, OCEAN, and CANOE. 

here’s the best visual to explain the 5 traits

if you want to take the quiz, take this from fivethirtyeight

now let’s get on to the new stuff.

express extraversion

fun fact to start extraversion is the same as extroversion. extra is actually the correct latin, but extro is more commonly used. so you do you, boo.

this trait is traditionally linked with sociability, meaning more outward engagement with others & the world.

so high scorers of extraversion are the stereotypical social butterfly and low scorers are the wallflowers.

but in researching this, i discovered more nuance to this trait.

extraversion is also linked to experiencing more positive emotions.

extroverts consistently report more states of joy, desire, enthusiasm, & excitement.

they have a higher degree of responsiveness in the dopamine driven brain areas. the areas that fire up when there are cues to incentives.

this doesn’t mean that low scorers experience more negative emotions (that’s actually a different trait that’s up next, neuroticism).

a low score on extraversion means less excitement.

more emotional steadiness or levelness .

navigate neuroticism

neuroticism is to negative emotions what extraversion is to positive ones.

people high on neuroticism experience more negative emotions specifically fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, depression, & sadness.

these negative emotions are often directed towards the self & can lead to low self esteem.

so high scorers on neuroticism are the worriers with the paper bags

& low scorers are the care free go on trips with no bags.

chat conscientiousness

conscientiousness is how you deal with & organize your life.

high scorers are typically more organized & disciplined. the duty seekers.

low scorers are more disorganized & spontaneous. the free spirits.

should be no surprise that conscientiousness is the most reliable indicator of occupational success, but keep in mind this is not the same as intelligence.

address agreeableness

being agreeable is highly linked with being empathic.

higher scorers pay more attention to the mental state of others & factor these into behavioral choices.

in general, women tend to score higher on this than men.

a low score does not mean the person is unable to understand the mental or emotional state of another. they just do not care about the output of that mental computation.

low scorers tend to be more candid straight-talkers or put bluntly give less fucks.

open to openness

lastly is openness which is connected with creativity, complexity, & exploration.

people high on this trait tend to think outside the box. the scientific term for this is divergent thinking, which makes broader connections between topics.

high scorers are led by their curiosity.

whereas low scorers prefer the concrete & the familiar.

they’re led by their realism.

my pick

we’re officially 75% of the way through 2023.

and we all know that Q4 is the fastest quarter of all the quarters. the calendar fills ups so quickly and it will be 2024 in the blink of an eye.

in my third ever newsletter back in january, i wrote about how you can slow down time by experiencing new & different things. (btw this is newsletter 39, wild i know!)

one of my favorite ways to find new things is with the nudge.

a free app all about having fun IRL.

they text you top notch plans created by locals of things to do in your city.

i’ll admit that i’m biased because i used to be roomies with one of the founders (hi sarah miss you!), but i’ve now used this app for several years to discover new spots & plan outings in multiple cities.

truly a gamechanger.

so if you live in (or are traveling to) austin, chicago, dallas, dc, denver, la, nashville, nyc, sf, or seattle, i recommend you download the nudge & get plans on the calendar before the year books out.

all together now

i need to start out with a confession that i didn’t know a whole lot about the big 5 before writing this email series. but wow, diving into this OCEAN has been eye-opening!

the big 5 traits are like not so secret clues to life. they can help explain all sorts of things – how we do in school, how happy we are in marriage, & how good we feel about ourselves.

and you know what? while some traits might seem cooler than others, there’s no such thing as a perfect mix. every combo is special!

and what’s even more special is how the big 5 helps us know ourselves better. it’s like having a map that shows what makes us different from everyone else.

i hope this 3 email series sparked curiosity, connection, and maybe even a newfound appreciation for all the ways we’re uniquely wired (& weird).

keep it weird friend,

p.s. whenever you need help, i’m always here for you from custom cards to corporate workshops to our merry membership. i want to make you merry!