leveling up the love languages

Read time: 2.5 minutes

happy merrymaking monday,

to close out our love language series, i made a mashup of all the other love languages i learned about during my research.

so much can be learned from gary champman’s 5 love languages as evidenced by my past several newsletters [quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, & receiving gifts].

but a lot has changed since the book was published in 1992. and like most generic frameworks it has it’s faults. so time to try on other versions.

love languages @ work

gary himself along with his buddy, dr. paul white, gave the 5 love languages a corporate makeover.

and called it “motivation by appreciation.”

cleverly mba for short.

they discuss the same 5 love languages at work, but really they only talk about 3 as 94% of employees want words of affirmation, quality time, or acts of service.

let this be your reminder that hugs & swag won’t motivate your team.

greek philosophy on love

wild how the word love can be used in so many ways.

we love that outfit. we love our moms. we love ourselves. we love that for you.

what’s wilder is that has meant many things for centuries.

way back in the toga times, the ancient greeks philosophized about 8 different types of love, most of which are not romantic.

discoveries by a dating site

the online matchmaking site, eharmony revealed in their 2023 dating trends report that 46% of americans didn’t feel their form of receiving and/or giving love was captured in the original 5 love languages.

so they added two new love languages:

1. emotional security: feeling seen, heard, safe, & taken care of.

2. shared experiences: experiencing new things & expanding together.

   

seven styles of love

truity, personality test extraordinaire, rebranded & expanded the love languages to 7 love styles (with, of course, a new quiz).

i attempted to match these 7 to the original 5:

• gifts = financial

• service = practical

• physical = touch

• words = appreciation

• time = activity, emotional, & intellectual

after all, quality time is the most popular love language with 38% of americans makes sense to get a bit more specific about the type of time that matters.

bc a grocery shopping pal is not the same as a caring companion nor the same as a thought partner.

expansive inclusive alternatives

anne hodder-shipp tripled the original 5 to 18 modern love languages. with the aim of capturing love across all relationships, not just romantic.

this framework is also way more inclusive across gender identities & sexual orientation.

love languages on X

and of course everyone on social media loves to share their very unique & specific love languages.

according to X, rip twitter. everything from consistency to punctation to drinking coffee is a love language.

and according to molly on instagram, even more love languages are forgotten, such as surprise visits, yearbook messages, night drives,

“here, sit next to me” 🥹,

saving every birthday card from the people you love,

and of course handwritten letters sent by mail. she sadly forgot to say from .merry makery.

putting it all together now

we try to squeeze our vast, complex web of love into 5 or 7 or 18 boxes, but the truth is that it's not and never will be a one-size-fits-all deal.

love dances to its own beat.

love is a dialect as distinct as every soul.

and the nuances of our personal love languages are what make each connection unrepeatable fucking magic.

moments for merrymaking

P.S. if you enjoyed this newsletter, pretty pretty pretty please share it with a friend — the more the merrier. i want to help more people and i need your help.

but really, will you forward this to at least one person?

like now?

plz!