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hey there! what can i get for you today?
how about a deep dive into a love language with the lens of friendship?
we already covered quality time, physical touch, & words of affirmation. and if none of that means anything to you, i recommend you take 5 minutes to learn these 5 languages in this post.
today we’ll be talking all things acts of service
acts of service holds a VIP place in the arena of friendship. the friend who picks you up when your car breaks down, the one who brings you your favorite coffee when you're having a rough day, or simply the friend who's there to lend an ear when you need it most.
it’s about serving others with & for love.
acts of servicer’s core truth is
action > everything
they believe real love comes with helping hands.
they’re not looking to enslave you. they just want to enroll you in their routines.
almost a month ago in our first newsletter on the love languages, we learned acts of service is the #4 love language of americans at 13%.
preferred language for 12% of males & 14% of females.
splitting the data by age shows a fairly consistent trend across the ages, with a slightly higher preference for ages 45-64.
splitting the data by US census region shows acts of service is much more preferred in the northeast at 17%.
most people who appreciate acts of service are stretched for time or resources so a little help goes a long way with them.
but to complicate manners, these same people often struggle to ask for help. this makes this love language a little less obvious.
so here are a few tells if someone is an acts of service aficionados:
loves to-do lists & whiteboards
lives by their planner & calendar
randomly does things to help you
always doing a home improvement project
when stressed, may passive aggressively nag
these friends love the subtle behind-the-scenes gestures that make their lives easier.
when you do spot someone that loves acts of service, you want to remember to give PTO:
personal - don’t just do something nice, do something you know they’ll appreciate. it’s all about what will make THEM smile.
timely - timing (& context) is everything. be there when they need you or your help the most.
offer - if you see your friend struggling, step in. take initiative & offer to help before they ask.
show you care by showing up, giving options, & following through.
oh and be sure to genuinely want to help.
trust me, even if you don’t complain, they can tell when you don’t want to help & that does more harm than good.
many little ways show you care through acts of service:
do or hire for a chore (think maid, babysitter, taskrabbit)
leave things cleaner than you found them
run interference during their focus time
do something before they ask you
automate something for them
make less work for them
fix something broken
reciprocate their help (& don’t keep score)
the most valuable gift you can give to acts of servicers is your time, your thoughtfulness, & your understanding.
help lighten their load.
every time you serve you're saying "i see what you do and i appreciate you" in a language they deeply understand.
self-care for this love language looks like serving yourself.
from practical every day things to big projects you’ve been putting off.
make time for yourself by:
eating healthy
setting boundaries
organizing your closet
home improvement projects
practicing yoga or mindfulness
let this be your reminder that self-care is saying no.
OR asking a friend for help when you need it.
most people like helping other people, especially if you’re their friend & you’re always helping them.
i cherish giving and getting help.
if you didn’t already catch on, acts of service overlaps with organization. so here are my favorite reads on keeping house:
life changing magic of tidying up by marie kondo
the home edit by clea shearer & joanna teplin
beautifully organized by nikki boyd
how to keep house while drowning by kc davis lpc
and as always i made you a gift guide for acts of service filled with ideas for organization, tasks, & efficiency.
finding the right words to write in a card can be really fucking hard.
so i added more occasions to my what to write blog:
as always, i warmly welcome any requests for this or really anything. i read & respond to every reply.
🍉 sep 4 labor day weekend
forever in your service,
p.s. whenever you need help, i’m always here for you from custom cards to corporate workshops to our merry membership. i got you, friend!