how many friends can we really have?

Read time: 2.5 minutes

oh hello my friend,

last week we learned the secret to friends is TIME.

so now we’re diving into exactly how many friends we can pen in with our limited time.

followed by a sticky sweet launch.

metrics

robin dunbar, a british anthropologist & pscyhologist, studied & quantified friendship. he determined how many friends we can realistically keep in our circle & thus dunbar’s number was born.

enter the magic number of 150.

according to dunbar, we can maintain 150 meaningful relationships at any given time. this is due to our brains capabilities as well as the amount of time to build & maintain friendships.

[refresher form last week: 50 hrs to casual friend, 90 hrs to friend, & 200 hrs to bestie]

dunbar defines a friend as someone you want to spend time with & make an effort to do so, including your fam. in short, a meaningful, two way relationship.

so most social media “friends” do not meet this definition.

no surprise, our 150 friends are not created equal. our friendships are a series of concentric circles, growing from very intimate to almost strangers.

~1.5 intimates: your romantic partner & your true BFF with daily interactions
~5 best friends: your chosen fam with weekly interaction
~15 close friends: your everyday social companions with monthly interactions
~50 good friends: your party friends with bi-annual interactions
~150 just friends: your wedding/funeral friends with annual interactions

beyond that you get out of friend land:
~500 acquaintances: your phone contacts with infrequent interactions
~1,500 known names: your social media community with rare interactions
~5,000 known faces: you know their face, but not their name nor the last time you saw them

while these circles scale at a fairly consistent ratio of 3, the time spent with each circle doesn’t scale that way.

we devote 40% of our social time to our inner fab 5 best friends. another 20% to the additional 10 people that are in the close friends circle.

so 60% of our social time to 15 people, 10% of our friends.

leaving the remaining 40% of our time for the remaining 135 friends. these 135 friends, 90% of our total 150, get disproportionally less time.

dunbar also determined that are strongest friendships are often with those most similar to us.

he identified seven pillars of friendships:

1. the way you speak (dialect)

2. hobbies & interests

3. religious views

4. values & moral views

5. sense of humor

6. musical taste

7. career trajectory

we share 6-7 pillars with our innermost circles, but only 1-2 pillars with our outermost circles

important to note that these circles are ever-changing.

truth is that most friendships only last a couple of years & shift over time.

just like our taste buds, our friends change every 7 years with ~50% staying the same.

so half of your current friends will change in 7 years.

but the half that remain are very likely to be your friend for life. true bffefefefef.

which is good news for you in many ways. medical studies consistently show that the single best predictor of your psychological & physical health is the number & quality of close friends.

mindset

i feel like i am inundated with personal growth hacks & effective habits. this might just be a result of me spending more time on twitter. but i digress.

i know that we strive to develop better ourselves with fitness routines, productivity hacks, & sleep hygiene. but we so rarely take time to think of our friendship habits.

i urge you this week to do a friend-energy audit.

list your top 15 friends & estimate how much time you’ve devoted to each this year.

even better stack this up next to time you spend on social media.

then reflect & reassess your social commitments.

willing to bet you can benefit by carving out more friend time for someone on the list.

message

technology make it easier than ever to stay in touch, but we don’t because we get lazy or we forget.

i challenge you right now to message your top 15 the below words.

just how the best workout routines require repetition, the best friendship routines require communication.

instead of sending likes, send love.

makings

merry makery website got a makeover.

new images, new layouts, new pages.

and a new product category!

postage STAMPS.

previously you had the option to add one stamp to your envelope. but i realized if you need one stamp you likely need more stamps. so now you can add an entire pack of stamps to any order. woo!

you can purchase letter, postcard, & international stamps.

you will only find stamps with super special designs featuring mariachis, waterfalls, buzz lightyear, puppies, & kittens.

moments

sending it,

MacK